Love, Sex, Etc.

Dear Nikol,

I’m an 18 (almost 19!) college freshman and I recently lost my virginity. I was always the “wait for the right person” type and, well, that didn’t really happen. He was a really hot, tall, strong guy (on the sailing team with me) and he asked me if I wanted to go back to his house. Knowing sex was on the schedule, I said yes anyways. It was fun and sweet and semi-drunk and I don’t really regret the actual experience. It just wasn’t how I thought it would go down. I kinda feel like I shouldn’t have. I feel like there is such a huge emphasis on the first time and it makes me feel guilty for not making it important. I’m not sure if I’m making a lot of sense, but that’s some random confused teen insight.

-Morgan

Dear Morgan,

So you feel bad for not feeling bad? That makes total sense. A friend of mine is pregnant right now and she feels terrible that she doesn’t have this deep sense of connection with the fetus because her friends have all told her that they felt that way when they were knocked up. I told her to relax because there will be plenty of years to worry about all of the other things she is going to do wrong as a parent. No use worrying about how she does or doesn’t feel about someone she hasn’t even met yet.

Sex can be a very emotional thing sometimes, just not every time. So your first time wasn’t roses and beautiful music. Don’t let it own you. Just be careful when you do have sex. The only thing that is bothersome about that situation is that you were drinking because too often we make terrible choices while drunk.

Make sure you always have protection with you and if you are going to someone’s house already knowing that sex may happen, don’t drink. If you feel like you need to drink to relax enough to have sex, you shouldn’t have sex. I know that’s a lofty and idealistic idea, but think of it the next time you are in the situation and figure out if you are about to have potentially bad sex because you aren’t comfortable enough to trust the person and let yourself enjoy it.

-Nikol

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Questions?

If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.