Love, Sex, Etc.

Dear Nikol,

I’m a straight girl and this gay girl has a crush on me. I know I am completely 100 percent straight, but I have a crush on her, too. If I do anything with her, it’s not to be her girlfriend. It’s just for fun. Should I go for it?

- Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am?

Dear Wham Bam,

You’re not 100 percent straight. If you sexually desire someone of the same sex, then some part of that percentage is off. Maybe you’re just experimenting, but I think that term is a little bit of a cop out.

Alfred Kinsey, the godfather of the science of sex, developed what he called the Kinsey Scale. Kind of egomaniacal to name it after himself, but it does make it easier to remember. This scale puts people on a line from straight to gay, and interestingly, most of us do not fall to either extreme. Most people aren’t even 50/50. We have varying degrees of interests in the opposite sex and same sex.

I know it’s the posh thing to do in Hollywood right now to “come out” bi-sexual. Some people are really excited about this, thinking that the famous are going to bring open bi-sexuality into the mainstream. You know, because when famous people do things (teen pregnancy, drugs, high wasted pants) we all start to think those things are cool.

I just wish it weren’t made out to be such a big deal. I’m hoping we get to a point where we can stop thinking about how many penises or vaginas are involved in a sexual experience and move on to more important things.

By more important things, I mean to say that your question shouldn’t be “Should I sleep with her even though we’re both girls?” It should be “Should I sleep with her even though I know that it’d only be physical for me?” And that is the question I will answer.

If her crush on you is also physical, and you two have talked about that, go for it. If she is interested in more, do not pass go. Even if she swears she won’t fall in love, if she’s looking for more from you, sex will only complicate the matter. Also, if you are the least bit concerned, even after all the things I’ve said, that people will “find out” you two were together, you’re not really ready.

For now I’d say just relax. Enjoy yourself. A crush is one of the most heavenly feelings in the world.

- Nikol

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Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.