Love, Sex, Etc.

Dear Nikol,

I think I'm going insane. I seem to lose things as soon as I get them. I lost my iPod and it's been missing for over a week even though the last time I had it I was just sitting around the house. My friends were there the entire time, and before the end of the night, it was nowhere to be found. The next day, I took off my bracelet and my promise ring from my boyfriend to do dishes, and I was sure that I put them both right next to the sink on the counter. Only a few hours later, I couldn't find them either. I lose things a lot, but it's really getting inconvenient. I even try to be careful and remember where I leave things, (i.e. on top of the mantle, or by the sink), but everything I own seems to get misplaced at some point. I don't want to have to tell my boyfriend that I lost his ring while I was being careless, nor beg my parents for a new iPod. I'm really worried that they're both gone forever, though. I cleaned practically the entire house looking for these things, (as well as other odds and ends) and have had no luck. What more can I do to ensure that I don't lose everything, and how am I going to face anyone if I do lose something valuable?

- Frantically Searching

Dear Frantically Searching,

I think I'm going insane sometimes, too, but then it turns out I am just in a car full of children and I have a headache and they are all singing songs about poop and I'm like, "I'll turn this car around" only I can't really turn around because we're in traffic and who really believes that threat anyway because they are in the car because I have to get things done so why would I even give them some sort of hope that they get to go back home and play with their Go-Bots?

Ahem.

Anyway, you mentioned losing things? I have some practical advice and some kind of weird advice for you.

On the logic based side of things, your propensity to lose all of your stuff means that you need a good system. Instead of trying to remember where you put things you should put things where you will remember them. Have a few locations around your house with small baskets in which you can put items if you take them out of your pockets or, in the case of your ring, off your finger. Whenever you remove anything, always put it in one of the baskets. Once you lose the thing, check each basket. If the thing you are looking

For items that are small and easy to lose, like your iPod or keys, keep something attached to them that you can easily find. I'm sure you've heard of those keyfinder things that make a noise when you whistle. Old people love those things, and I haven't known too many old people to be wrong.

We'll call this other bit of advice Experimental Psychology. I get lost no matter where I go. I lived in the same neighborhood in Waukesha for three years and I still would get lost picking the kids up from school. (So I didn't have so much a problem with losing items as losing my whole body, which should be big enough to keep track of.) For years I was so upset over my directional idiocy that I would panic when I had to go somewhere. People expected me to get lost and I expected it of myself.

Recently, after moving to New York and getting lost and sobbing on the subways, I tried something new. Whenever I would get ready to go somewhere I would tell myself that I never get lost. I'd still write the hell out of some directions, but I was relaxed about the process, convincing myself that I would get exactly where I needed to be. Most importantly, when I did get off track I wouldn't freak out about it. Eventually I got to the point where I was giving other people directions. I was a little bit nervous about moving to LA, but I haven't gotten lost here at all. (I still get lost in Waukesha.)

So my suggestion is that instead of accepting that you are just a person who loses stuff, you turn yourself into a person who doesn't. The same goes to people who are always late and people who are clumsy. Try it out. Psych yourself into thinking your annoying flaws away. If along the way you discover a way to think your way out of a pimple or think high-waisted pants back out of fashion, please pass that knowledge on to me.

As far as telling your boyfriend you lost the ring or trying to get a new iPod out of your parents, turn on the waterworks. Nobody can stand to see an adorable girl cry. Manipulation isn't wrong when technology and jewelry is involved.

- Nikol

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Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at nikolknows@milwaukeemagazine.com. Your anonymity will be protected.