Love, Sex, Etc.

Dear Nikol,

Today, I went to the gynecologist to get my very first pap smear and a script for birth control because I want to have sex with my boyfriend. However, the pap smear was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced! I even started crying! My doctor said that there was nothing wrong with me, but that I just had an unusually tight vaginal canal. Now I am terrified that sex is going to hurt just as much. Is there anything I can do to stretch out my vaginal canal and/or make my first time hurt less?

- Terrified & Teary Eyed

Dear Terrified,

Your doctor may have been smart enough to get a medical degree, but she or he is in need of some serious schooling when it comes to how to respond to a patient's discomfort.

A female physical exam consists of a visual exam followed by insertion of a duck-shaped speculum into the vaginal cavity, then the doctor using a gloved hand to poke around at stuff. The pap smear is when they swab your cervix and vagina with a long q-tip then put whatever they got on the q-tip onto a slide. Why am I talking to you like you're 10? Well, you said that the pap smear hurt. I want to be sure that when you go back to your doctor or another you know for sure which part or parts were painful. And you need to return to your doctor about this just to be safe.

If the swabbing part hurt, that's your cervix. That could mean that you have a sensitive cervix, and that will be something you need to pay attention to during sex. There are some positions that allow a penis to go deeper into the vagina and bump against the cervix. You'll also want to let your boyfriend know ahead of time that if you're grimacing in pain, he needs to pull out a little. It's not whack a mole up in there.

If, however, it is the whole damn exam that hurt, there may be a problem. There are some medical

conditions that cause females to experience a great deal of pain during sex. You won't die from the conditions, but they should be addressed if you want to have a healthy sex life.

One thing I'd feel remiss to ignore is to mention to you that sex is very different than a gyn exam. (So if you were expecting stirrups and a great job sticker when you're done, you may be disappointed.) When you are getting your downstairs inspected by a physician, it can be pretty uncomfortable. Your body isn't lubricating itself and you’re not likely to be relaxed while it's happening. In order to make sex less painful for any woman, foreplay is really important. You need to be turned on enough that you are wet and the inside of your vagina gets all soft and ready to be penetrated.

So, your steps are:
1. Return to a doctor and let them know that you really had some pain and they need to make sure it's not because of a problem.
2. Talk to your boyfriend about any fears you have that it might hurt. Tell him to take it easy with you.
3. When it's your first time, make sure you are really turned on before you try to stick it in. Have him use a finger at first, then two, just to test the waters.
4. If it is still very painful, stop. (He won't die of blue balls, but help him reach orgasm some other way for being a patient champ.)
5. If you've ruled out a medical issue, you know you were in the mood, and it still hurt, try getting a variety of dildos in different sizes. Use these while the two of you make out to help get your vagina used to the presence of a penis.

And should you return to that doctor instead of finding one with better bedside manner, make sure you take them my card. I've got a thing or two to say.

- Nikol

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Questions? If you have a question for Nikol, you can reach her confidentially at lovesexetc@milwaukeemagazine.com.Your anonymity will be protected.